The logistics of intimacy in microgravity environments

By ESA-CNSA-ISRO research team

The people who made this.

Abstract

As the 22nd century nears the number of people living in space grows evermore, our researchers primary concern is the increasing number of births and unregulated intamacy that takes place on civilian space stations, along with the increasing number of incidents requiring medical intervention. This paper will detail the correct ways to engage in intamacy in a microgravity and the logistical issues that may arise in such acts.

Introduction

The supposed acts of intamacy in space has been traced back to the early-mid-21st century when ████████ ████████ ██████ ████████ ████████ ████████ ████████ along with increasing publicity stunts from media companies like ████ - ███. This rise and promotion of acts of intamacy in microgravity enviroments has caused concern for injury and medical intervention due to "inexperience" and "lack of spacial awareness."

A research team comprised of ███████████████████████████████████ was assembled to conduct experiments in order to detirmine the safest way to conduct intamacy in microgravity enviroments.

Methodology

Err acessing information

Results

It was found that after multiple tests we were able to deduce multiple issues with intamacy in microgravity enviroments.

Issue 1 - "Getting it up"

Male test subjects reported that they had trouble ███████████ during ████████. Results consistently showed that blood pressure was a main contributing factor to this issue noting that microgravity enviroments tended to drastically lower heart pumping power.

Issue 2 - Lack-of-security

All test subjects reported "lack of security" (wherhem they would simply bounce off the allocated testing area and hit obsticales, walls and other objects in the surrounding area). Out of 10 tests, 6 were called off due to medical risks to said test subjects.

Including but not limited to:

-Blunt-force trauma

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And risks to the lab equipment, including but not limited to:

-Heart monitors

-Blood pressure monitors

-General wiring

Issue 3 - Contamination

Test subjects and researchers would report that even with "protection" that fluids would contaminate parts in and outside the testing area, efforts to create microgravity adapted solutions are ongoing.

Issue 4 - Dehydration and endurance issues

Test-subjects reported "lasting shorter than usual", this has been attributed to the following reasons:

First, the redistribution of body fluids causes extra blood to pool around the heart, creating the false sensation that the body contains too much liquid. This depresses the sense of thirst, which can lead to dehydration unless subjects force themselves to drink. It is also noted that sweat flows more freely in the dried space station air, resulting in unintentional dehydration. (Which is a general problem for any physical activity in space)

Advantages and Solutions

Advantages

After these tests the test subjects would sometimes report the following positives:

Advantage 1 - lack of said gravity

It was found that the lack of gravity, aside front risk of blunt-force trauma - was generally a positive experience (also aside from the intamacy)

Advantage 2 - Overview effect

Tests in the presence of a window facing Earth would result in more positive experiences, we postulate that this is a modified version of the overview effect experienced by astronauts who see the Earth for the first time.

Solution

After multiple different trials, it is concluded that the best postition out of all is in mid-air far from any surface. Once brought to a stop hanging in the middle of the room, which we shall call the Center Position, test subjects cannot reach a wall so long as they stay together. No matter how much internal force they would exert, once their mutual center of gravity is fixed it will stay put. Even if they are drifting very slowly because of air drafts most tests indicate that blunt-force trauma would not occur throught the testing period.

Through said tests we have deduced that there are 2 effective ways to achive the Centre position. Which have been termed ballast and impact. Using the ballast technique, the two grab hold of each other and push gently up from the "floor". When they are close to Center Position, they shift a counterweight covered with "Velcro" toward the ceiling, thus transferring their momentum to the ballast and stopping in mid-air. The ballast is attached to the "ceiling" and sticks until retrieved.

In the impact method, involves the subjects going to opposite walls and gently push off toward mid-room. When they meet halfway they grab each other, again neutralizing their opposite momenta and halting at Center Position. It is reported to be harder than the ballast method, as it is noted that weight imbalances forces the lighter member of the two subjects must propel her, him or themselves slightly at a higher rate and aim must be reasonably accurateas to prevent Blunt-force.